Here is my day.
Second alarm in fact.
I each day still have the notion I will jump out of bed at 5am to go for a run.
That idea is ever so quickly swatted away as my stupid smart phone chirps at me.
Get my shit together at a seemingly glacial pace.
Caffeine needed desperately.
Out the door at 6:20.
Things are looking good! A little self high five as my dirty, sand ridden Mazda 3 points its nose towards the hospital.
Fucking traffic lights.
There is no one else around and yet they change at an incredibly slow pace.
Mental note (1) during drive- Make sure you get the ‘special table’ prepared for ward rounds. Ughh…
Mental note (2)- I have seen that same car passing me at the same spot yesterday. Weird….. or maybe not weird at all. Wonder if they are thinking the same thing? Probably not.
Mazda arrives safely at destination.
Park a solid 10min walk from hospital because I refuse to pay $40/week for parking. ( I wonder how long that will last)
Mental note (3)- If I coughed up the cash I wouldn’t be sweating like a gypsie with a mortgage as I walked into hospital.
Sitting at the computer, starting the get the ward round table done, and our list has exploded.
No way I am going to get this done before handover.
Hmmm… just the important folk make the ‘special’ table today.
List sorted, printed x4, dreaded phone clipped to belt.
Hand over meeting.
“New patients on team 3…” Crap. Not on any of my lists.
Listen intently to glean some sort of info about them.
Nil gleaning of info achieved. Sad face.
Scribble down patient ID numbers, the rest will have to wait.
30mins later at the end of the meeting, I am vaguely more informed about our patients.
Proudly hand lists out to the Bosses and other minions. No one wants my special list.
Mental note (4)- That time could have been put towards coffee. Sad.
The team 3 train leaves at a cracking pace.
Glance at phone to make sure it has not been diverted.
5 missed calls… hmmm. Do I just delete them?
“ Jack! Lets gets this round done.”
“Yes boss.”- Deletes missed calls.
The next hour is a blur of forms to sign, hand in, present graciously to the radiologists and the “Make sure you follow that up…” line.
Which is typically followed by a firm “Yep” from me… then my eyes squint and scan the room praying for a ‘Sherlock Holmes montage’ type moment in which I figure out exactly what the boss is talking about.
They probably think I am having an absent seizure.
Shit. No montage. Fuck you Sherlock.
Scribble “follow up” next to patient name.
10mins late to clinic.
38 patients waiting, 0 happy about it.
The next three-four hours is ‘groundhog day’
See patient, present to boss, go back to patient, bluff through any last questions, re-book for 2 weeks.
8th phone call of the day.
“Why aren’t you up on the ward?”
-Ummm… still in clinic.
“When will you be here? We have a list of jobs for you?”
-As soon as I can.
Mental note (5)- another absent seizure… as I watch my lunch skip away into the sunset, holding hands with my coffee.
On the ward
Only 90mins late…. Not bad really.
List of jobs approximately 3hrs long.
Our quitting time was very optimistically quoted to us as 4:06pm each day….
Mental note (6)- I see the clock showing 4:06 chasing hard after my lunch/coffee and joining them frolicking.
Half way through jobs- another self high five, glance at watch 3:53. Damn
Can not seem to type at all.
The 6 digit patient ID number and I seem to be in some what of a dyslexic duel, with no winner clear….
Mental note (7)- Was Yoda dyslexic?
3hrs of scripts, phone calls, asking my bosses for help and occasionally doing some medicine. The day is looking like coming to an end.
Look at watch 5:45.
Hmmm…Alternate reality scene kicks in….Physically accost person walking past with food and coffee.
I may be drooling at this point.
Montage scene ends….Back to reality.
- What is that pain in my abdomen? Well…. It’s either the bladder at breaking point, or my stomach gnawing on itself.
No food yet. Jobs done though.
Phone handed back to its cradle.
So the whole day has passed huh?
Nice walk to car.
The best part?
I fucking love my job.
Sound familiar? Let me know.